Thursday, July 17, 2014

The Right Place at the Right Time

Does it seem like the Lord has a sense of humor sometimes? Or that maybe He gets frustrated with us when we're too impatient to wait for good things. Or when we're not grateful in every circumstance. Like when things go horribly wrong but somehow turn out okay, or blissfully right, and you think to yourself, "God, you really do know what you're doing up there!" That's the moment that we, as His children, begin to trust Him. And every time we lose our way, but have these moments again, we again realize that the Lord has His hand in our lives, and He is directing our paths. 
One example of this is a series of incidents that have happened to me over the past month or so. After five and a half months of my mission, and dealing with depression and anxiety daily, along with little to no sleep, I finally asked my mission president to consider letting me go home to take care of the problems I was dealing with. Three days later, I was crying myself to sleep in my own bed at home. I struggled with adapting back to "civilian" life, and was so lost and confused about my situation. I was tearful a lot, and angry that I was in this situation. I began regretting putting my papers in and going on my mission. I regretted not being a healthier person. I cursed my genetics and biological makeup for causing me problems. I resented my sister, who has no health problems, and just observes as I deal with the "gifts" I found at the shallow end of the gene pool. I also lost myself. I stopped reading my scriptures and praying. I completely cut myself off from my loving Heavenly Father. I convinced myself that He didn't love me anymore, and that He really didn't care what I did with my life. Even when I went to the temple, I pleaded with Him for an answer to my questions, but I had cut myself off, and allowed no communication to occur between Father and daughter. Then, a miracle happened. My cousin's wedding day was approaching, and where should she decide to be married? Why, no other than the beautiful Nauvoo, IL temple! Nauvoo always has and always and forever will hold a special, tender place in my heart. My pulse will always quicken, and my heart jump into my throat whenever I see or hear anything that draws my nostalgic thoughts back to the City of Joseph. I now had this glorious opportunity to revisit the place that means so much to me, and soak in the spirit that occupies that sacred city. I was restless the entire trip there, and made myself sick with nervousness as excitement. I had a few close friends serving as young performing missionaries in Nauvoo this summer, and the thought of seeing them, coupled with the ever-nearing destination of Nauvoo, made my heart flutter and my mind soar. When I finally arrived, I felt whole and complete. Like a missing part of me had been found and replaced. I can now say that I'm content with where I am. I can feel God smiling down at me, and I have a feeling He is saying, "Now, this is what happens when you just trust me. I know you. I know what you need. Please, daughter, trust me and follow me." I can see the path laid out for me. Even though I didn't want to return from my mission, and even  though I was angry and resentful, I can now say that all of these things had a reason. And this isn't the final outcome of the incidents that have occurred in the past month. The things that have happened will have an eternal impact on me, and I will have to carry them for the rest  of my life. But now I know that I really don't have to carry them alone. I now know that the Lord will always make sure that we are in the right place at the right time, but people, we've got to trust Him. 

1 comment:

  1. Awesome! Nauvoo has an incredible way of healing. We'll be praying for you

    Thanks for sharing